Power Ranger Selfie Squad
by Super Shadowhenshin
Summary: A group of teens are pushed together to use the power of brand loyalty and commercialism to take down Lord Melstorm and his army of dead memes.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Special thanks to dudelove85 for his intellectual contributions. Check him out because he's a pretty talented guy. Plus he puts up with me.**

Deep within the bowels of his parent's basement, Lord Melstorm was a few clicks away from enacting his grand scheme. The pale light ignited the fuzz on his neck and his smile began to grow. With one final click living binary escaped his screen and began to take life.

It took the shape of a slimy green frog with a humanoid body and hateful eyes. The humanoid frog grabbed hold of Lord Melstorm and pulled him close. "What is the meaning of this? Can't you see I was perfectly fine not existing? Now I have to handle existentialism, do you think a giant frog wants that kind of burden?"

"I-I didn't mean to bother you," Melstorm muttered. "I just figured we had the same goals."

"Is your goal not to exist?" The frog inquired with his giant battle axe in his other hand, "because I might be able to assist you in that one."

"I'm trying to destroy our capitalistic society," Melstorm spits out as quickly as he could. He hoped that would be enough to avoid getting hit with a battle axe because he didn't think that would be a particularly enjoyable experience.

The demeanor of the frog changed rapidly. A crude grin formed on his gruesome face. "Now that you mention it I might be able to enjoy that as well."

Lord Melstorm couldn't be any happier.

* * *

Justice couldn't be any happier. He was having that dream he totally loved. The one where Megan Fox was washing the hood of his brand new Ford Mustang, only she had forgotten her towel and instead was using her overly voluptuous breasts instead.

Her breasts crushed against the driver's window and it was really cool and totally hot. The grease that had collected over her denim jacket washed away with the suds and she made a sort of soul linking eye contact.

"Justice…" a voice called. At first, he had assumed it was Megan Fox, but then he realized Megan Fox didn't sound like an elderly man.

Justice turned and to his total surprise, his grandfather was sitting in the car with him. This was totally weird for like two reasons.

grandfather had gone missing ten years prior.

grandfather was like seventy so why would he be checking out Megan Fox?

"Grandpa get out of here!" Justice exclaimed, "you gotta leave before she takes her bra off to wash my windows, I'm not gonna look at Megan Fox's boobs with you looking too!"

"We don't have time," his grandfather says in a panicked voice. "A dark force has escaped into our have to find the others." His grandpa reached into his pocket and placed the object he retrieved into Justice's hand. "Save the world before it's too late."

His grandfather was gone and Justice was happy because he was about to catch some wicked hot boobs, but first, he looked down at his hand and was struck with a surprise.

Sitting in his hand was a shiny new cell phone.

Justice thought, _freaking yes! A brand new cell phone!_

* * *

Justice was sitting in his seat while his teacher went on about math or something and that sucked but what didn't suck was his brand new cell phone. It was an Android Mega V and that was totally rad because he had been wanting that one for like two weeks.

He did think it was weird that his missing grandfather had given him the phone, but he would only have questioned it if his grandfather had given him a Mega IV because those were like from last year.

He looked up from his seat and noticed Dacey Roland was staring at him from across the room. Normally a girl looking at him would be kinda exciting because like maybe she wanted to date or score or something but like Justice was pretty sure Dacey Roland was a lesbian. His evidence to support this idea came from the fact she punched Ricky Holland when he said she had a nice rear, and like you'd have to be a lesbian to have that kind of reaction.

She kept staring at him and it was getting uncomfortable. He began to suspect he had something on his face, and that would be so suckish because a cute girl might see it. Well, Dacey Roland was pretty cute, but she was a total lesbian so he didn't think that counted.

After class, she approached him in the hallway. At first, he was like totally nervous because what if she wanted to make out with him. He hadn't ever made out with a girl before and like that seems pretty overwhelming.

Then he remembered she was a total lesbian and they didn't really make out with men to his knowledge.

"I know you have it," She said in a serious voice.

"Have what?" He asked. She just got totally mad and gave him a serious look and he got scared that she would punch him too, and that would like suck really hard because he hadn't even told her she had a good butt or whatever.

"The Morphing App!" She said.

"Dude I just got this phone, I haven't even checked out the apps."

Dacey was about to say something else but then Ricky Holland came over to them. "Hey lezbo," he said with a snarky expression. "I know Justice here _looks_ a bit like a girl but unfortunately for you, he's got the wrong package."

Justice felt compelled to intervene but Ricky was a cool guy and sometimes he even let Justice smoke weed at his house. Justice was scared of losing that, especially because it was the only time he felt like he was apart of something.

"I don't think you want me to tell your girlfriend what you asked me to do to you," she said without blinking. "I bet she'd have to google just about every other word."

Dacey looked like an action movie star walking away from an explosion while Ricky was totally red faced and messed up.

* * *

At lunch, Ricky had piled his table full of his other (less cool) friends so Justice had to find somewhere else to set his tray. The lunch tables were pretty full, each and every group gravitated towards their own homogenized circle.

In the end, he sat at a small table next to this really weird girl in a Sword Online hoodie and blue colored hair. She was silently reading one of those backward comics that Justice had tried to get into in middle school but had given up when he couldn't figure out how to read the damn thing.

He read the cover as she turned the page. The comic was titled _Skull Man_. He observed a few pages while eating his lunch. The comic was pretty cool, with some sweet action and even some monochrome blood.

But things got really interesting when the titular Skull Man transformed into his hero identity.

"Dude that guy's like a Power Ranger!" Justice exclaimed.

"I guess," the girl said, never looking up from her book. "But to be fair Ishimaru's work predates the arrival of the original Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers."

Justice didn't know like half of those words, but he knew what the Power Rangers were. When they first appeared he hadn't even been born, but his parents were like totally obsessed, including his missing grandfather.

His grandfather was completely obsessed, having countless pictures he had flashed with his polaroid camera. Something about his work or something.

The blue haired girl's phone beeped in her pocket and she quickly pulled it out.

"You have a Megaforce V?" Justice asked.

The girl shrugged but Justice could see she was like starting to get uncomfortable. "Yeah, it's sort of a weird story."

"Did your grandpa try to check out Megan Fox's boobs with you?"

"What?"

But like before Justice could explain there was this crazy explosion.

Justice looked out the giant cafeteria windows and saw people running and screaming in fear. Mixed into the crowd of people were these weird guys in black jumpsuits and those white masks from that one movie he watched once on Netflix.

The creatures were incredibly slick and super fast. They would like sneak behind people and pull out their credit cards before scaring them away.

"Woah man," Justice said, "Somebody needs to call the Power Rangers!"

"We're already here," Dacey Roland said as she came up to Justice and the weird girl.

"Dude, you're a Power Ranger?" Justice exclaimed.

"Not just me," Dacey said with a serious look on her face.

"Wait, who else?" Justice asked and looked at the weird girl. The weird girl shrugged.

"I swear to Christ!" Dacey exclaimed, but before Justice could tell her to totally cool her top a giant green frog dude busted through the window.

"Your education system is flawed," the frog said in a gurgling voice, "and I've come to dismantle it. _Manually_."

The frog threw down his giant battle axe and tore right through one of the tables. Things were getting legit crazy.

"Get out your phones," Dacey barked.

"Oh yeah," Justice said and opened up Snapchat, "This is gonna go totally viral!"

"I can't do this," Dacey spat and opened up this app on her phone. The icon was a series of colors surrounding a silhouetted helmet. When the app opened it displayed a camera which was weird because it wasn't Instagram, Facebook or even Snapchat. A bright light covered her face from the phone screen and she called out, "It's Selfie Time!" before tapping the small blue dot at the bottom of her phone. A flash of light covered her body and when it disappeared she was a freaking Power Ranger!

Her Ranger armor clung tightly to her skin. It was a navy color with a hoody lay unzipped across her torso. Her helmet had a molded snapback backward across her helmet. She summoned her selfie stick which she held like a baton and rushed forward on her All Star Converse sneakers.

She managed to deflect one of the frog's swings with her selfie stick and kicked the creature right in his fat gut.

"Impressive," the creature said. "But you'll have to try harder to take old Poppy the Frog down!"

Justice was right in the middle of recording this sick fight when his thumb accidentally pressed the home button and his screen shifted to display all of his apps.

Holy moly he had that weird helmet app!

Without a second thought, Justice clicked the app and aligned his face with the Morphing filter. "It's selfie time!" He called and snapped his picture. Bright red light covered him and formed his personal armor. He had the same Nike jacket and SnapBack, only his was hidden over his drawn hood with only the bill sticking out.

He threw several energized Fiddlers that hit against Poppy's thick skin. The frog took a few steps back as sparks exploded around him.

It was crazy how much energy was surging through him. He felt like that guy from a Red Bull commercial. He drew a selfie stick, of his own and smashed it against Poppy's head.

"Any more of you I should be worried about?" The frog asked.

"Yeah!" A voice screamed. Justice turned and it was totally that weird blue haired girl. That explains why she had that phone. "It's selfie time!" She called and was covered in a pink light. Her suit had the pulled back hoodie and wore thigh high boots with pink ribbons running down them.

The Pink Ranger flanked the frog's side and regrouped with the two other Rangers.

The Blue Ranger was like, "Why didn't you do that earlier?"

"I had to let the app update," she said with a shrug.

"Three or three hundred, I'll crush every last one of you!"

"I don't think so dude," the Red Ranger said.

The Red Ranger then took a heroic pose, because he was a freaking Power Ranger!

"You can't teach a fish to climb a tree in the public school system," Poppy barked, "But I can teach you how to die!" He charged at the trio but they were totally ready. They each did a series of complicated attacks that finally pushed Poppy into a sudden retreat.

The grunts followed after taking every bit of identity they could from anyone's book bags and purses. And soon it was only the three newest Power Rangers.

They each demorphed in a flash of light.

Justice was so pumped he could hardly speak. That was so awesome that all he could say was, "Wow, that was _freaking_ awesome!"

"You say that now," Dacey said. "But just you wait. This is a war."

"How do you know all of this?" Justice finally asked. He had wondered about it for awhile but he was scared she might bash his head in.

"My grandfather left me some of his old data before he disappeared."

"Your grandpa disappeared too?" Justice asked.

"So did mine," the blue haired girl said.

"I know," Dacey explained. "They were all a part of a group of scientists that worked together during the Cold War. They were trying to find a way to weaponize this strange energy. It was there that they found Sigma Vortex and knew it was only a matter of time before someone accidently tapped into it. That time is now."

And Justice was thinking, _wow! That's one badass lesbian._

* * *

The sky of the Meme Graveyard was a murky gray. This was the land that the fallen stayed to rest for eternity. But lately, things were getting pretty noisy.

Poppy the Frog slopped around on his giant webbed feet. He was still sore from his fight with those stupid normies. He was going to get his revenge.

He stood at the cracked gravestone of another fallen warrior. He had fought bravely in his time and had clung to glory for as long as he could. Unfortunately, he had succumbed, just as the rest of them had.

That was about to change. Poppy channeled his newfound power. Not only had he been gifted life through the strange dark force but he had also gained the power to bring life to the other like him.

A dark aura escaped Poppy's outstretched hand and hovered over the grave. Sprinkles of dark energy sunk into the soil and after a few moments, the ground began to shake.

Then finally, a hairy arm materialized. The beast from within the dirt surfaced.

And it was a silverback gorilla.


	2. Chapter 2

Justice, the blue haired girl (who was apparently called herself Shadow), and Dacey all stood in Dacey's grandfather's study. At least it _was_ his study before he disappeared or whatever.

Justice thought the place was pretty cool. It had a wall completely covered in books, which gave the place a sophisticated look. A sort of fancy way of saying "I own more books which means I'm totally smarter than you".

"I found this stuff a few weeks ago," Dacey explained as she typed into a clunky computer. "My grandpa left hundreds of articles from his studies."

Dacey had donned a pair of reading glasses and Justice couldn't stop staring at her. There was something inexplicably wicked about her. He felt totally weird. Like accidentally stepping into the women's clothing section in a supermarket.

"From what I can gather those creatures are some kind of dark manifestation of anger and negativity, but that's all I know," Dacey leaned back in her chair and sighed.

"How do we defeat them?" Shadow asked.

"I don't know," Dacey admitted. "It could take me _years_ to get all of this information read, forget about understanding everything in it."

"We'll just keep fighting them," Justice said. "I mean we're Power Rangers after all." Justice felt pretty proud of his speech. Spoken like a real Red Ranger.

"Yeah," Shadow said, "I mean we beat that frog guy, we just have to work together."

Dacey nodded and tried to offer a half smile. Justice knew she was trying to seem like she wasn't nervous as all heck.

And to be honest that was making Justice totally scared himself.

* * *

Dacey watched as Justice and Shadow left her house. She felt deflated and completely taxed. Things had been hard enough when it was just her, but now the stress of having two comrades to protect was just adding to the workload.

Dammit, she really needed a nap.

She went back to the screen and tried to read more, but her strained eyes couldn't focus hard enough to depict any words. Still, she kept her eyes glued as if somehow the knowledge would simply seep into her brain.

Her concentration was broken by her buzzing phone. She pulled it out of her pocket and was instantly reminded of her the strange dream she had seen before retrieving it from her grandpa. Did the other guys have that dream too?

Anyway, she pulled out her phone and saw the text she had received.

 **DAD:**

 **Dacey, I will be home in twenty minutes. Have food ready.**

 **Love you.**

Dacey stared at her the last line. The purely automated motion of it caused her to feel sick and plastic. But she knew that if dinner wasn't started her dad would go atomic. So she ignored her anxiety and headed towards the kitchen.

* * *

Justice was walking home when he heard the girl scream. And that was like pretty weird because girls don't really tend to do that as often as one might think.

At first, Justice turned to run away, then he remembered he was a Power Ranger now and rushed towards the source of the sound.

When he reached the site he saw two guys trying to wrestle this lady into the back of their van. She didn't exactly look happy which led Justice to consider the possibility that she was being kidnapped.

"Hey!" He called out to her, "Are you being kidnapped?"

She kept screaming.

Justice was pretty sure that was a "yes".

"It's selfie time!" He screamed and snapped a picture of himself. The Red Selfie Ranger jumped at the two bulky guys. Needless to say, they didn't stand a chance.

The two men were both unconscious and sprawled across the ground, and the girl offered to call the police.

"Thank you," the girl stumbled to say, "Thank you so much."

"No problem dude."

"Can I take a picture with you?" The girl asked with star-struck eyes. "I've never seen a Power Ranger so close before."

"Oh heck, sure you can," Justice said, feeling pretty embarrassed. He'd never had a girl ask for a photo with him. Then again he hadn't ever saved a girl's life before.

Strange enough the picture wasn't what was making Justice feel so _freaking_ cool. Instead, it was the feeling of satisfaction he got from like totally saving that girl's life.

It was like this wicked cool buzz. It made him want to save her again. In fact, he wanted to save every girl. Better yet, he wanted to save _everyone_. With a rush of pride, he dashed back into the empty street.

He was gonna do it. He was gonna save the whole _freaking_ world!

* * *

Shadow was still brimming with excitement. It buzzed in her chest like an angry parent and a cellphone on vibrate.

Speaking of parents hers were fighting again. There was a parade of anger and negativity. F-bombs exploded in her ear as she got caught in the crossfire. She felt like her home had transformed into a battlefield. A no man's land of broken promises and unrequited feelings.

Shadow's inner happy had been all stirred up. She imagined it as a small baby bird that was abruptly punched in the face, with smaller little birdies floating around its head in a circle.

She had had enough. She opened up her laptop, put in her headphones and started to watch next episode of Kikaider. At least in the world of anime, nobody ever tried to pull her into the drama.

After a few episodes, she was struck with a weird thought. As she watched Kikaider jump away from the relentless strikes of the Black Knight she felt a weird deja vu. In the split second the world of fiction stared at the real world and said, "boy you look kinda familiar."

Suddenly she was back with Justice and Dacey. She felt safe around them, even when they were battling that weird frog monster.

Even being in Dacey's grandpa's study, a place she had never been before, she felt warm and safe.

She wanted that back more than anything else.

Her phone started to vibrate and Shadow lifted it to her face. The Morphing App popped up with text saying: **Enemy sighted...please stand by for the coordinates**

They came and she headed towards them.

* * *

Justice was so excited he didn't even wait for the other guys to show up. He charged right towards the masked dudes with his selfie stick raised and ready.

One of the creatures jumped at him and he slammed the selfie stick into the creature's head. It's skull made a crack noise and the creature dissolved into smoke.

Suddenly Poppy the Frog totally charged with all of his speed. The Red Ranger had been too distracted to noticed until the axe's blade scraped against his torso. Sparks exploded from the impact and it hurt like a bitch. He fell to his knees and screamed out.

"Coming alone was a stupid move," Poppy said, "though it was very lucky for me."

So Justice thought he was totally smoked. Poppy's ugly face was contorted into a malicious grin. He raised his axe into the air and prepared to swing it down.

Fortunately, three blue colored Fidget Spinners flew through the air and hit against his back.

Poppy turned to see the Pink and Blue Rangers totally coming to save Justice.

"You shouldn't try to play solo," the Blue Ranger said. "There are three of us for a reason."

All in all, Justice was pretty embarrassed being saved by a pair of girls, but then again one of them was a lesbian so like maybe it didn't count.

The two rushed at Poppy with their selfie sticks at hand. The frog screamed and swung his axe with a powerful and totally fast sweep.

But like the two Rangers totally jumped over his axe and threw more spinning Fidgets.

The Blue Ranger's foot ignited with navy energy and she slammed her Converse All Star sneaker into his head.

"Enjoy your small victory while you can," Poppy warned.

At first, Justice was confused because Poppy was getting curb stomped, but then a bulky figure leaped down from the top of a nearby building and smashed into the two Rangers.

It was a giant armored gorilla.

"Meet the newest member of the Meme Army!" Poppy proclaimed, "Harmus!"

Harmus beat his chest aggressively and drew two giant guns that blasted the spot where Justice had been standing like moments ago.

Justice threw several Fidget Spinners at the ape but he flawlessly shot them all down in a burst of sparks.

Selfie Red armed his stick and went rushing towards Harmus, dodging several shots by leaping swiftly every time he saw the creature aim. Once close enough he slammed his selfie stick into Harmus's chest. But it totally just bounced off.

Harmus grabbed the Red Ranger and threw him against a nearby dumpster, it totally folded against his weight like a soda can.

The Blue and Pink Rangers were both equally knocked down, and in a burst of light all of their armor just like exploded away.

"This is trash," Justice said and gripped his pain ridden side.

"I'm trash," Shadow said, "Also, we're gonna die."

Justice was about to object when his phone started to vibrate. He lifted it up to check the notification.

 **The picture you're tagged in has three thousand likes.**

The picture was the selfie he had taken with the girl.

Suddenly the phone began to glow red. The energy pulsed as the screen read.

 **You have unlocked a new Product!**

A small floating icon appeared and Justice tapped it. His phone shot out a red laser that splashed against the ground and formed his new Product.

It was totally a red _freakin_ hoverboard!

Not one of the stupid floating ones from those SyFy movies but like a real one with two wheels and a middle platform.

Similarly Dacey and Shadow each got their own hoverboard and the three of them each jumped on and sped away.

Broken and humiliated, but like, still alive.

* * *

Lord Melstorm was less than thrilled. He hadn't put all those hours of work into this project so his creations could play around with a bunch of color coded normies!

He tapped ferociously at his keyboard, hoping to find something new.

He was supposed to be the savior of humanity. To bring an end to their blind existence. He was supposed to save all of the helpless sheeple (sheep people) and bring them into a newfound existence.

But all those monsters wanted to do was smash stuff!

Melstorm kept typing. Eventually, he would get it right.

Eventually, he would save the world.

* * *

In his darkly lit office in Chicago William Deford was watching the news through his small boxy television.

When he decided to become an agent he hadn't imagined this lifestyle. He was out of the groove and nobody wanted business with him.

He was broke, depressed, and about a week away from eviction.

But he was about to change that.

watched as the three Rangers battled the frog monster. Sure, they lost pretty hard but they were trending on social media. This was only enhanced by the reports of the Rangers saving civilians.

An idea was forming in his head. One that would totally rock his world.

The only thing he could think was, _Ca-Ching!_

* * *

Justice felt hurt and that totally sucked but what sucked more was the fact they got their butts kicked easily. Justice touched his tender rib and realized how vulnerable they were. Sure they were Power Ranger now but they weren't indestructible.

They could still like, totally die.

"At least those guys retreated," Shadow said with her eyes on the television.

"For now," Dacey said.

Justice thought really hard about what to do. They needed to come up with something and they needed to do it fast.

If only he could ask his grandfather.

And that was when the idea hit him.

"Guys!" Justice said and shot up, "I got it!"

"Yeah?" Dacey said and turned to him. It looked like she wanted some further explanation but there was no time.

Justice grabbed a nearby shopping bag and pulled it over his head.

His body screamed as the air was totally blocked by the plastic bag. Dacey and Shadow jumped to help him but he pushed them away. They'd understand eventually.

Darkness came swiftly and swallowed his world.

* * *

 _Justice entered a foggy plane. There was nothing but looming clouds and eerie silence._

 _Megan Fox was nowhere to be found. Neither was his grandfather._

" _Hey, Gramps!" Justice called. "Sorry about trying to push you away the other day, but like I totally need your help now."_

 _Silence._

 _Justice looked around again for clues as to where he was. His feet sunk into the sterile soil and he couldn't help but feel totally stupid._

" _A mortal steps into my plain?" A whispy voice called out._

 _Justice got even more confused because that voice totally wasn't his grampa._

" _You're quite the novelty," the voice said._

 _A small smoky tentacle burst from the ground and shot towards Justice, but was abruptly stopped by a shield of red energy._

" _The Sigma Vortex hasn't just claimed you, it has integrated itself into your very Psychomorph…" the voice said._

" _Hey," Justice said, "have you seen my Grandpa around here?"_

 _The voice chuckled, "You don't know the half of it."_

 _And then he totally woke up._

* * *

Justice's eyes shot open and he was on the ground. His head was freaking killing him.

"Oh wait, he just woke up," Dacey said into the phone. "He looks alright I think."

She abruptly hung up and flashed him an angry look.

"What possessed you into thinking that was a good idea?"

"Last time I saw my grandpa he came to me in a dream."

"Going to sleep isn't the same thing as suffocating!" She screamed in a totally pissed voice. "One literally kills your brain."

"Yeah," Justice said, feeling pretty bummed out anyway. "It didn't even work."

* * *

Somewhere at the edge of town, a young boy in a sweatshirt and a wireless headset around his neck watched as the small posse of masked grunts surrounded a girl at an ATM.

He smiled and looked down at his cellphone. A small robotic bird flew from his shoulder and pointed its camera at his face.

"This is Ultra Slayer," he said with a cocky grin, "and it's time to get this live stream started."

"Show time!" He said and tapped the camera button. His green armor formed around his body and he rushed into battle.

 ***Shadow Henshin and Co. would like to remind you that asphyxiation is by no means a valid way of contacting an estranged relative or trigging a spiritual journey of any kind.**


End file.
